When Life Isn’t Fair – A Saturn Story

thumbnail-largeWhen life isn’t Fair there is hope…and another way to look at it!

Healthy Saturn is necessary in any system
as it is responsible for structure and form.
Life without the Saturn principle would be similar to
the experience of always being on a large dose of LSD.
This is why it is important to understand that Saturn
is not good or bad; it’s simply the rules, and
why the best strategy is to learn to work with Saturn.

~From The Shamanic Astrology Handbook
Sourced by Daniel Giamario (
Available HERE!)

This is a timeless look at Saturn and how to successfully navigate the opportunities Saturn brings!

From the Shamanic Astrology Perspective Saturn is a Teacher, Guide and Ally even when it feels exactly the opposite. Understanding this has been liberating for me and my clients and all those who have taken Shamanic Astrology classes over the past 30 years.

It hasn’t always been easy but I have made great strides in viewing Saturn as an ally. Certainly, there are times when Saturn limitations can feel unfair, depressing and downright difficult. However, Saturn is also about growth and maturation and creating or building the structures that really support who we truly are.

Saturn is Feminine – What?
Something to know that may shift your understanding is Saturn is feminine because Saturn has to do with structures, form and matter. Matter has its roots in the word mother – hence the feminine association with Saturn.

Not only that, Saturn is most resonant with the sign of Capricorn, a feminine earth sign, that has to do with the Circle of Grandmothers. From this perspective we can see that Saturn is feminine, and is NOT a punishing, judgmental masculine God, as described by the patriarchy, though it certainly can feel that way at times.

Saturn and Our Collective Beliefs
Whatever our experience of Saturn is, it may be helpful to know, that Saturn is simply reflecting to us a reality that is structured by our personal and collective belief systems. Over the last five thousands years there has been a collective belief or story rooted in the “fall from grace.” Even if we don’t personally believe that story, much of our world and our lives are still at the effect of it. (More on this idea including the Doing Addiction with audios)

We all encounter Saturn. This is because, everyone goes through Saturn transits during a lifetime. Additionally, their are those who have some type of Saturn complex natally (planets either conjunct square or opposite natal Saturn). These are the people who are dealing with Saturn on a constant basis and it often creates greater sensitivity to what can be perceived as the judgments of Saturn.

Here are a few ways you might encounter the presence of Saturn…by transit or by dynamic aspect on your natal chart.

You might be in a Saturn Cycle or Have a Life Long Saturn Challenge designed to help you grow and evolve if:

  • You find yourself saying, “It’s NOT Fair!”
  • No matter what you do (or how perfectly you do it) it feels like you get the same unfair results.
  • You are certain you have done everything exactly the way you were taught to do and shown up in the way you thought you were expected to show up and still the love you desire, the appreciation you crave, and the recognition you deserve, alludes you.
  • You find yourself feeling like no matter what you do – you are somehow doomed to repeating the same process over and over like a record stuck in an inescapable groove, even when you thought you were being conscious about your choices. Yet, somehow, you still find yourself in an unfair situation or experiencing undesirable results.

A Personal Saturn Story
Speaking from my own personal experience back in April of 2012 when Saturn was opposite my natal Venus, I heard myself saying more than once, “this isn’t fair!”

Then came the moment when it dawned on me I was in a Saturn cycle and I was hearing myself saying this isn’t fair over and over. As mentioned before it is a classic Saturn statement. Not only that, I was remembering that in Saturn’s world fair doesn’t exist and I needed a new point view and a new way to approach what was happening.

Saturn Often Feels Unfair
Imagine hiring the best attorney on the planet to present your case and imagine that you have managed to have your case reviewed by the highest court in the Universe and this Cosmic Supreme Court is presiding over the proceedings. Then imagine that the arguments presented are the most perfect, logical, irrefutable arguments possible, and your legal team is absolutely certain you will win your case.

When the verdict is returned very likely from Saturn’s point of view the answer will be something like:

You are right, it isn’t fair. Deal with it. These are the cards you were dealt and there is nothing we can do about that. Your task is to learn how to play the hand you have and do the best you can with it.

But also know that you must deal with this all the way, so even when you think you have dealt with it…be warned that you may find surprising ways this will again surface in your life.

Consider it a test. The ultimate test. The test of self-love, the test of loving yourself no matter what unfair circumstances you are facing. Its not about fairness. Its about loving yourself no matter what.

Grrr….followed by lots of swear words and tantrums that ultimately don’t change anything – except perhaps helping you to express how you feel, hopefully in a way that doesn’t cause harm to anyone. And perhaps that leads to acceptance and that might lead to a new experience, but of course that is not guaranteed either until you can truly make a new and better choice in how you respond to what you keep encountering again and again.

I am about to share with you, as briefly as possible, my own life-long Saturn situation to help give a better sense of what I am describing. My hope is by sharing this it helps you to find peace with your own Saturn experience if needed.

My oldest son and me 1982 creating a new legacy

My Father/Saturn Experience
For me, my encounter with Saturn started before I was ever born. My parents got married the day after they graduated from college and I was conceived on their wedding night.

Three weeks later, when my mother realized she was pregnant, my father insisted she have an abortion (that was illegal in 1955) or give the baby (that would turn out to be me) up for adoption.

My mother refused and my father was furious. Hence I was born into a classic Saturn situation, meaning that no matter what I did I could NEVER please my father.

Ultimately, he disowned me twice. (Not surprisingly from a more mainstream approach to astrology I do have Saturn square my Sun on my natal chart. Both are considered father symbols in more traditional astrological approaches.)

Remember I said Saturn is actually Feminine and was co-opted by the patriarchy. This is very likely why so many of us have had a very convincing patriarchal Saturn experience.

The first time I was disowned by my father was when I was 20 and he blamed me for my Mom divorcing him. From another point of view it was amazing they had stayed married as long as they did. However, my dad needed someone to blame and I was handy. Years later, when I was about 33, we had a tentative reconciliation that lasted almost 6 years.

I was 40 the second time I was disowned – because I dared to ask him for a healthy boundary (a way to complicated story to share here) and he went into a rage, proclaiming he would never speak to me again, or anyone who reminded him of me (meaning my four children).

That was in 1996 and true to his word right up through his death in October of 2012, he never spoke to me or my children again. This was not a surprise as I wasn’t the first family member he disowned and cut off communication permanently. I am happy to say, after a lot of deep personal work I now know that my father’s choices weren’t really about me.

These choices came from his deep seated wounds that he was projecting on me but were part of his own natal Saturn in Capricorn Complex to his Cancer Moon with Pluto in Cancer, Libra Venus and Sun, with Aries Uranus forming a grand cross. Definitely not an easy signature to navigate. So he not only was at the affect of Saturn himself, he was projecting fault onto me. I get it was his way of coping and I am now at peace with that.

This represents my light and shadow when my shadow or unconscious Saturn nature was dominate in my life

My First Two Marriages
So of course, in my first two marriages I recreated situations where my former husbands abandoned me or disowned me much like my father. I could easily make my case, and prove without a doubt, that I didn’t do anything to deserve the way my father treated me, or the way my former husbands treated me either.

I can also see how they were all operating from their own deep wounds that had nothing to do with me. Ultimately, it was easier for them to project their pain and blame onto me than take responsibility for their experience.

I wasn’t perfect in those marriages, and I did help to create those relationships and I learned so much about myself as a result. Some of what I learned was definitely about my own shadow and becoming conscious of my unconscious choices.

Still from another point of view, it really is true that I didn’t treat them the way they treated me. Yet, it was all part of an opportunity to become conscious of the patterns that had driven my choices.

Over the years, I have done HUGE amounts of forgiveness work and lots of different kinds of healing therapy and have taken responsibility for the way I co-created all of these situations. In essence, I have been dealing with and transforming my own crap, my own projections and inadequacies, my own fury at how unfair life has seemingly been.

The Saturn Hand I Was Dealt and the Process of Forgiveness
However, it is also true that the way I have viewed myself, the way I have shown up, or not shown up, has been greatly influenced by the hand I was dealt. Over the years, I have come to accept that it is my job to keep peeling the layers and forgiving myself and forgiving others in the best way I can in each moment.

Peter and Me so happy to be together

And the results of this work are evident in my life. I now have a wonderful conscious equal partner who joins me in owning our personal stuff and taking responsibility whenever we find ourselves projecting on each other. I am so thrilled and grateful to finally have this kind of mirror in a beloved relationship.

For me the third time was the charm and this blessed relationship is one of the gifts of doing Saturn work. Clearly Saturn is a tough task master, yet, when you are willing to take responsibility – it is so worth it.

I thought I was done with this whole father rejection, abandonment piece, until Saturn began opposing my Venus in November of 2011. Around that time the voices of judgment that had been mostly quiet for so long, grew louder and louder.

When Life Feels Unfair
In April of 2012, I had an experience with two family members that felt totally unfair. I soon realized it was a situation that brought up the old feelings that I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. The situation was a perfect set-up because I didn’t expected it to show up in the way it did and of course it so perfectly fit into my pattern that I didn’t recognize it at first. It wasn’t until I heard myself saying out loud this isn’t fair! that I had the sudden realization Saturn was at work. AHH HA!

Before I GOT this was Saturn, I had been presenting my case to my beloved, who totally agreed with me. If anything he reflected to me that I had been more than supportive and had shown up with great integrity and he was actually angry on my behalf. And as supportive and validating as that was, I had this sneaking suspicion that there was something deeper I needed to consider.

If you have been reading the Celestial Timings for awhile you know I am continually writing about how everything in our life is a mirror so we can see ourselves and our issues (wounds and unconscious beliefs etc.) more clearly and this case was no exception.

Reflecting on what was happening, I realized this goes back to a core belief I had as a child. It was based in the fact that I knew my father hated me and my little girl self translated that knowing to “God Hates Me.”

Furthermore, no matter how perfect I am, no matter how kind and generous and supportive I am to others, no matter how much I do my own personal clearing and healing I was finding myself face to face with this limiting childhood belief that I thought I had handle and my conclusion again was it is SO NOT FAIR! Grrrr…

The Saturn Test
Wait, wait, don’t tell me – this must be my Saturn test? Ah yes, of course. It is the Saturn test of self-love and even though my feelings were deeply hurt and my pattern totally activated I got to this realization in a record amount of time. Whew.

So YES there is progress, there is hope for me, and I am forgiving myself, and forgiving everyone involved all the way back to my father and God himself or rather my little girl perception of God hating me and the whole perception of the unfairness of Saturn.

Yay for me…and I hope this story is helpful for you in being willing to create a whole new structure of reality based in the ultimate Saturn teaching of Self-Love no matter what is going on in our external reality. It is truly a gift Saturn gives us when we are ready to receive it.

A Final Personal Note
In 2012 when I wrote this article I knew I was about to enter my second Saturn Return in 2015 with non-stop personal Saturn cycles along the way. Those years have provided me with additional Saturn insights and opportunities I plan to share eventually.

Happily, I successfully addressed the situation mentioned above by expressing my feelings and taking responsibility for my experience, along with asking for what I wanted to happen going forward.  I haven’t always been able to do this because sometimes the situation feels to life threatening but this time I didn’t feel the old trauma that might have held me back.

When sharing my feelings I consciously chose not to shame or blame and so I easily got a great response to my reasonable request that has continued to produce a much better result.

Ultimately everyone in the situation (especially me) had an opportunity to grow from the experience proving that it was a Saturn gift. It is the gift that always shows up when we take responsibility for whatever experience we are having even when it doesn’t feel fair.

Revisiting this article in 2019 and 2020 I have one more Saturn Cycle to go next year during the profound triple planetary alignment of Saturn, Pluto and Jupiter in Capricorn placing me on the leading edge of that transformative time. I can already see how it is showing up and also know it is another opportunity to grow, change and evolve. Most importantly at this time having successfully engaged the last 8 years of Saturn  – my life is better than ever. I hope this inspires you to know this possibility exists for you if you aren’t there already!

Notice the orb over my head and on my body. These are the orbs that followed me around on my Birthday March 4th in 2012 and somehow feels like a great way to end the Saturn Story proving there is magic even for a person with a lot of Saturn.

Here is an email comment I received about this article to share:

Merry Christmas Cayelin,
Your site was sent to me via a friend who sends out tons of stuff. I happen on this article today Christmas Day and so related to the unfairness of life issues. Your story is my very same story , prebirth, two  husbands (haven’t yet found my charmed 3rd yet), and unfair unappreciated family members. Lots of friends will agree I don’t deserve to be treated that way. I’m on a journey of continual forgiveness, compassion, self love, and gratitude. Thank you for your story and insight. It makes sense and I don’t feel isolated, singled out, or alone. Namaste! Kit


  1. Hi
    I just stumbled across ure web site and read ure article about saturn….very nice…I am assuming i had no clue about saturn or anything …DOB..1.11.69 Male Pakistan…but recently i did some net surfing only to find out i had gone through 7 very harsh and turbulent periods of saturns transit ….Thank God i think its almost over now ..as i write August 2017….Last 7 years i was broke , lonely hand to mouth wat else ..but i made it through …)

  2. I have a Saturn Moon Opposition, angular and a transit of Saturn over it. It passed Saturn once and is now opposing the Moon and will be till last pass in early December. At least it’s not the 4 year saga of Pluto over that aspect. I nearly didn’t survive it.
    It’s a heavy, emotionally draining time. Emotions all over the place and always on the verge of “loosing it” and “coming unglued.” Could be over anything. My nervous system is maxed out and although I eat healthy, exercise and meditate, none of it is doing much. Gemini Moon is high strung as it is and in 3rd house! Starting taking homeopathic Kali Phosph, too.

    • Hi Nan, thank you for sharing. We have found when Saturn is with the Moon it is about disconnecting any over identification with the past so you can move more easily to your intended purpose. In a Saturn return its about entering a new phase of life.

      I have a late degree Sagittarius Moon and have definitely been feeling it, requiring me to be more present to my day to day life. In my case it has been about a major move to a new home. My Saturn return was 2 years ago but it just took the time it took to get into a new space (on all levels). I wrote more about it in this Month’s Celestial Timings. https://cayelincastell.com/2017-march-celestial-timings/

      Sometimes Saturn is about working to put a new form into place – that certainly has been happening for me over the last 7 years of back to back Saturn cycles. I finally feel I am growing into the new ME that is happier, more expansive and so grateful even if I still have a lot of work to do to get moved in to this new place.

      It is important to give yourself the space to feel what you feel. This isn’t about projecting what you feel onto others but owning it for yourself. Saturn can feel depressing, stuck, like it will always be this way. Feeling what you feel from the inside out can work miracles in helping you move to the new place this cycle is trying to get you too…hope that helps! 🙂

  3. Hi Cayelin,
    our stories are similar.
    My parents got merried because she got pregnant.She didn’t want a child , he only wanted a son.
    When I was born,female, my father didn’t care about me, and my “mother” rejected me but she had to keep me not to be seen as a monster from the others.
    I’ve been physically and psychologically abused from both since I was born.
    I’ve never received love in my family, but violence, rejection.
    I so decided to become a psychologist to help all the abandoned and abused kids I could.
    I was very good at the university, best of many courses, if I have to tell the truth but I had to quit because I was having a troubled life always related to my “parents”.
    I think at myself as an orphan being adopted by a sick couple. My “mother” is mentally unstable unfortunately and definitely violent. My “father” is psycopathic, in the real medical sense, some kind of narcissistic even if the two things shoud not match.
    Then I got married, with someone I didn’t love at all, but my mother did and you know why? Because I was living in London, abroad and far from home and she had to ruin my life. Without me she’s desperate because she can’t slap, offend or yell to anyone.
    He was a drug addict( I don’t even drink and I love nature and purity), he stole all my money, he made me leave London and when I finally called the police to be helped leaving him because he told me if I have left him he would have killed me and my grandpa( the only one I really loved) he raped me because he knew I wanted a child so much and he thought I would never left him if I was pregnant.
    For just a single time I got pregnant..and, just because I love children, I would have never put my own kid in that nightmare, so I had to do an abortion. By that time my father was arrested, I was already shocked for the abortion and the fact I was hiding in a friend palce not to be killed by the husband(the one I’ve never loved but my mother did…and I also think those two had sex..) but I had to help hi even if he never ever cared about me. I was supposed to stay in bed for at least one week because of the abortion (2 in one day and wide awake)but I jumped into my car and travel throught him. He obviously used me.. he knew I was supposed to stay in bed etc but didn’t care. After 5 days or 7 I can’t rememebr, for the stress ( i had to do too many things during the day to save him and during the night go in his place taking food and cooking (he was at home arrest) and then back to my city sleeping 3 hours a night and without eating almost anything I had an heavy hemorragy and fainted. So, hospital, but he was hungry because “I HAD to help him out!!!”.
    I should try to cut it short. I saved him but I don’t know if I can have a child after that accident. Life continue always scary . All the beautiful things I’ve found,and believe me I did, were stolen from my mother, for example I had a love at first sight experience, still the most important of my life, we really were in love, he is 10 yrs younger than me( I have to tell you I’m considered a beautiful attractive woman and the only reason I’m telling you this is to let you understand the situation..in which I attract men even because i’m sultured and i have a lot of interst but I never like any of them since i’ve found him) a valentino’s model, he got a degree in philosopy..so beautifl cultured and intelligent. She started to be nervous about it (she wasn0t when I was married with that monster who kicked me almost everyday)and she did anything in her power to destroy our realtionship.And after 2 years she did. When I was with him I was studiyng again, I was very good and also I’ve been asked to be a model ,a dj and I took a degree in artistic photography.When we split up in a very bad and violent way I,again ,felt in hell.And she,then, started to calm down again.My life was destroyed again, she could now sleep tight. One years passed in a black mud I was swimming into.
    Then, after I’ve been raped and almost killed I had no job, I was terrified, no home no money and I was skinny and anorexic I called him, because he’s rich, asking me to help me. I had nothing to lose. He did helped me. I was happy, he didn’t show any kind of love but I trusted him, I thought “she” wasn’t right about him. He bought a house(a house that I’ve found looking for it for 6 months 12 hours a day) and for 3 months I was happy. I thought I could finally build my life. I have to tell you the deal was the house would have been at my name but out of the blue without telling me nothing he kept HIS name on the house. After 3 months the real monster appeared:) He told me I would have never leave the home or he would have been take it away from me. I started to pay as the owne without having any entitlement. I was trapped and caged. 10 yrs passed. 5 yrs ago all my friends left my country and my city, I started to be totally alone.In a moment I escaped(my father didn’t want me too) abroad and in just 10 days I’ve found a beautiful job, house and a handsome, beautiful, lovable, lovely ,serius man. I came back to my country to say to my father I should reat out my place and leave because here I had nothing but expences and there I had anything. He told me”if you live take your sh.. stuff and the house will be mine”. So I have to lose everything but after a month I started to be heavily ill. I’m still trapped here, I have health issues, no love, no university, no job, no money. Just trapped.
    I have saturn in IV house, mercury in capricorn in IX, sun in VIII cusp IX.
    Now that health left me I don’t know what to do aanymore. Where to go if my body is weak. I wanted to help abused children but I need my degree and they didn’t let me finish even if I aways had the maximum grades . I won’t have children.
    They distroyed my life.
    Thank you for your time:)

    • sorry I forgot the most important things, the astrological part:)
      Right now saturn retrogrades on my VIII house cj sun after 2 yrs standing over it, saturn is opposite mars and trine my saturn, when I’ve found love it was in 2005(end) and my saturn was in V, the weird thing is my desease exploded in 2012 when saturn was enetring my 7 house and continue for 14 months in which every single day I came into a medical problem so every single day in hospital for 14 months.
      All by myself. No one helped me. No one. My friends were abroad and I didn’t want them to know my situation. And, as I told you i’m horphan. I helped them but they never did it in exchange.Ever.

      My mars is at the very beginning of III house but it’s retrograde so I consider the II too, so basically now for 7 months I’ll have the opposition between the saturn in VIII and mars in II/III and then saturn in IX and mars in II/III.
      I’m frustrated, yes I am. I’m positive, I love nature, animals and kids love me, I have a beautiful response by nature, I help anyone who need to be helped, I’m honest, I’m clean but I’m not healthy, I’m lonely and alone, I don’t like any man I know I don’t even have sex. I’m not living my life I’m just caged and now I don’t really know how to save myself. Thinking positive didn’t help me.

  4. Hey Cayelin,

    Firstly, I want to thank you for sharing your story and allowing the world to see it and share in it.

    As a Gemini, I am currently going through a saturn opposite sun transit (1st house, 4th house, 7th house and 10th houses activated) and I can well and truly say that I feel like I am being ‘done with no remorse’… everything that I would like to obtain seems to be alluding me. Regardless of how much good will/intention I have.

    I feel like I have absolutely no one around me who I can talk to about everything that I am going through. Feelings of unworthiness, betrayal, loneliness, frustration and tendency towards suicial thoughts (whilst this won’t happen, it doesn’t stop me thinking ‘f this crap’… what would life be like if I wasn’t here).

    I am starting to understand what Saturn is trying to teach me, but I guess it doesn’t make living it very easy at all. I feel EVERY single minute of the day and every rejection, setback and obstacle.

    Yet, everyone else seems to be sailing through life – getting married, getting their first house, having their first child etc. It is not that I am unhappy for them. I just wonder when happiness is supposed to return for me? I feel like I have absolutely nothing, but I still show up, support others, have good intentions.

    Can’t believe that I still have another 1.4 years left of this.

    • I feel like I have absolutely nothing, but I still show up, support others, have good intentions.

      Same for me.
      The thing is I really don’t get why.maybe I’m too honest, too sensitive, too loyal.

  5. Thank you for this article! Finally someone who understands, lol … I have Saturn in the 4th House (in Capricorn) squaring my Sun and Moon in Libra (1st house). Our family was intact, but there was molestation of my sisters and myself. On top of that, I struggled with making friends in school when I was little. I struggled with jobs, and bosses always found a way to bully me. I hated life until I started studying astrology in my late 20’s (around the time of my 1st Saturn return!), and have been studying it ever since. Over the years, things have gotten better, and I learned to be more responsible for myself and my finances. I have also cultivated trying to not be bitter over the fact that things will never be easy for me in this lifetime — there will always be others who will get farther ahead than me, almost effortlessly; there will always be others who will be promoted at work instead of me — a recurring theme. I have never been married because the men I have been involved with were non-committal. My 2nd Saturn return is in a few years (I will be 55 in a few weeks), and I feel that, even though in many ways things are not going to change in this lifetime, I have become much more spiritually oriented. Saturn has helped me discover my own special relationship with God. I decided to become an astrologer due to my experiences with Saturn. I don’t know if I will be successful in it, or if I’ll become a professional at it, but it does not matter. I believe that Saturn, when in this kind of relationship in a natal chart, is forcing us to find a path to true happiness, which does not always involve position and money.

    • Thank you so much for sharing this Penney. I am now complete with my Second Saturn return and I am loving more and more how Saturn has been such a great teacher. Sometimes really harsh and seemingly unforgiving but apparently what I needed to get to where I am now…loving my life more each day! Yes finding a path to True Happiness. So well said. 🙂

      • I know I am living a Saturn life. How do you find happiness?? I am 48 years old and I have never been happy!

        • In addition to what I shared in the article the only other thing I would add here is this is an inside job. What you think, say and do creates your reality. Often this is the most challenging part of the whole thing because it is so easy to feel like a victim. I know I have. Changing your perspective isn’t easy, and it takes time, but when we change our perspective our reality changes. My favorite Wayne Dyer quote is “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” And for me that has been so true that it didn’t happen over night, it did happen because I was willing to look at Saturn and my whole life in a new way. I hope you find the happiness you desire! 🙂

  6. Hello Cayelin,
    I wish I stumbled on your article sooner as I’m very much into Shamanism and Psychedelics. And your article gave me some comfort. Like you and others here I’m heavily influenced by Saturn as I was born into Life Path 8. I always felt like and still at times feel that someone is out there who does not want me to have even little fun. I only learnt sometime back that being born into Life Path 8 is my curse (My mobile number has three 8s). As Saturn rules Life Path 8 (also number 8), I experience bouts of angst, depression and helplessness, wondering quite often what the hell I have to do to let Saturn off my back. My story is not deep as yours but I’m stuck in one single job for over 10 years and any attempt to move jobs never worked out. Nothing interests me anymore except researching Psychedelics. No luck in romance front either. I have also had things I was expecting and which were about to materialise taken away right under my nose. All my life experiences from the time I started working, living on my own make me wonder can I start anything? Is it going to work? So I gave up looking for jobs and just vegetating in my current job.

    Like a typical Life Path 8, I believe in supernatural and magic. My interest in Shamanism (started when I read Mastering Your Hidden Self, A Guide to the Huna Way) led to other things like channeled materials of Seth, Abraham and Psychedelics. As you must be aware both of their teachings say we create our life, our reality but definitely not in the case of Life Path 8. And to till date I could never reconcile why being optimistic, trusting Life or Universe, having strong intentional thoughts never work in my favour as if Saturn purposefully wants me not to have anything I strongly desire. So I came to the conclusion that the teachings of Seth and Abraham do not work for Life Path 8. I tried committing suicide once when I hit rock bottom but fortunately did not take the plunge. However I get such thoughts often. I did a lot of research on Saturn and how the planet is all about teaching and make you ready for later half of one’s life but it cracks me up as what use it is going to be when you can’t enjoy your life when you are young and energetic and saving all the best experiences (if there is going to be any) for later. I strongly believe that everything in the Cosmos is pouring out from one Source and at times I wonder who or what is more powerful, the Source from which Saturn came into existence or Saturn itself.

    The material on Saturn says the planet is all about teaching order, taking responsibility but I’m sure most people who are afflicted by Saturn are more responsible than their friends and people they know. I really think it’s a cruel way to teach someone same thing again and again.

    I believe Universe speaks to you in numbers, coincidences, synchronistic events and I have had many such things but when you are working with Universe and living contently I wonder why Saturn has to throw cold water on things as if the teachings are hard to learn. I find it hard to accept that the planet is teaching you to have self-love even though I accept I have trouble loving myself but in this culture who loves himself or herself just a handful. The reason I’m quite frustrated is because I do not know what to believe in anymore.

    As your website is also about Shamanism, I would really appreciate if you could share your thoughts on how to integrate teachings of Shamans around the world and yet not get severely punished by Saturn (once I abused Saturn and I lost my wallet with money and cards and pleaded for forgiveness. Surprisingly it worked and got my wallet back intact).

    Is it the planet Saturn or the Source through Saturn is doing this to people like us?

    Please forgive my rant.

    • Hi Sashi,

      Somehow I missed this post from you. I would love to offer you another view of the number 8 and the magic it represents. It is the number of infinity and literally represents the As Above, So Below. 8 was sacred to Thoth (the Egyptian God who preceded Hermes) and wrote the Emerald Tablets. 8 is about powerful manifesting and may feel challenging at first but when you step into the gifts that it has to offer look out world. I have only looked at numerology from a personal perspective but like Shamanic Astrology I imagine the archetypes of the numbers all have powerful intent and no one number is better or worse than any other.

      It helps to know that the planets don’t do anything to us, rather we have a relationship with them. We inform them as much as they inform us. It is up to us to cultivate that relationship and to understand the gifts that they can offer us. Again nothing is good or bad except for the judgments that come from us.

      I understand your frustration. I have been there myself as stated in this article. It all changes when you can see it as a gift, as a way to gain greater awareness – as that is when your whole reality will shift – because it is our beliefs and points of view that create our reality. It is similar to the Science of Mind saying: Changing Your Thinking Change Your Life…at least it worked for me.

      You might find reading this article on the Power of Questions is helpful to give you a place to start. https://cayelincastell.com/the-power-of-questions/

  7. Hi Cayelin ! I felt compelled to write a post here because I am also natally affected by Saturn, and remember saying It’s not fair so many times when I was growing up. Natally I have Saturn in Capricorn in my first house squaring my Libra Moon in my 10th house, Aries Sun and Mercury in my 4th house, while the sun and mercury are in opposition of the moon forming a real nice T-Square configuration. I spent my entire life avoiding my famlly because of the abuse I received as a child, I had to learn to be strong and independent from an early age. I call this aspect the “Scapegoat” aspect because that is exactly what sometimes happens with it, or so it seems. My grandmother once told me that she never disciplined me because I was already too hard on myself and she didn’t have the heart to add to my misery. You really did nail it Cayelin and put a fresh prespective on it.

    • Thank you so much Sandra. I really appreciate you taking the time to share and you are so describing one of the downsides of the Saturn Complex – in Shamanic Astrology we call it the Scapegoat Complex from the original meaning…for those who might not know…this comes from a time in the distant past…when the goat had tied on its back all the symbols of guilt, blame, shame etc and then was sent out into the wilderness to symbolically carry these things away from the people. Hence over time the ‘scapegoat’ became a way to project the blame on someone or something else. My sense is everyone with a lot of Saturn most likely relates to being the scapegoat at some point in their life. I know I have and still sometimes do.

      Thank you so much for bringing this up as another aspect of what we might experience in relationship to Saturn. The goat was chosen because it was strong, and could survive in the wilderness, so the good news is those with a Saturn complex are usually strong, the bad news is they can be so stubbornly strong its hard to let go of that self-punishment, bringing us back to how Saturn is all about how to love ourselves no matter what! 🙂

  8. Hi!

    I have a heavy saturn theme in my natal chart:

    – moon in capricorn ( loosely conjunctu saturn)
    – saturn in capricorn
    – stellium in capricorn ( moon + saturn+ uranus+neptune)
    – saturn opposite venus
    – venus in the 10th
    -ruler of the 7th house in the 10th house

    So I feel life is unfair continuously… re love and work particularly.

    The only thing that keep the hope is that I have 3 planets ( sun jupiter mercury) in the 9th house (hope)!

    I continuously do work to improve myself but it s hard when sometimes it seems other people dont have to do as much and gets more results more quickly…

    It’s great to read that there is light at the end of the tunnel… what seems to be a very long tunnel!

    Love and luck to you all

    But it is what it is so I just keep my hopes up

    • Thank you so much for sharing. You do have a huge allotment of Saturn for sure. More than most and definitely more than me. It has taken me many years to shift my perspective about Saturn – from the harsh, unrelenting teacher or tyrant – to a friend and ally. I admit there are still times I feel very challenged, but am grateful for all the gifts I can now see Saturn has brought me, even in the most unfair times!

      It might be helpful for you to do an assessment of all that you are grateful for that are perhaps gifts from Saturn? I know that has been helpful for me as I am just about to complete my second Saturn Return.

      One of the gifts I am really experiencing in a new way now is the depth of wisdom I have gained through all the challenges. I wouldn’t really know that except when it is being reflected back to me through what others are saying to me directly. I find I am still surprised when that happens and I realize it is something for me to embrace and appreciate, even though I am still figuring out how I can own it for myself and be comfortable with that. Not sure what it means for me yet but I am grateful that others see that in me and are sharing it with me. So yes there is hope to have a more fun and less challenging relationship with Saturn! Woohoo! 🙂

      • Hi Cayelin,

        It’s now been a year since my original post.

        Things have got better on the work front.
        It’s not been easy but I am really amazed by the results. Even more so that people with strong Saturn don’t always expect rewards but I’d encourage anyone reading this to keep going and keep being positive (and I have a lot of Saturn energy!!). It takes time but eventually there are rewards; please anyone reading this don’t loose hope – keep going – keep improving as it seems it prepares us for when opportunities comes so we can grab it and apply Saturn’s lessons to get good results.
        I’ll post again to let you know if their are any positive developments on other life areas.

        Please all keep going no matter what. Stop wondering why it is more difficult for you as really it does not matter – it is what it is – but keep up the hope that the future will slowly get better and it will!

        • Yay…so glad you shared this FS. I totally agree with you about hanging in there so Saturn can be our best ally when we are willing. I imagine your words of encouragement are helpful to others dealing with the not so fun side of Saturn. 🙂

  9. Is there a light at the end? I am going through the Saturn and everything is not fair for me… I am facing the biggest fear of my life. And looks like with Saturn presence nothing gets resolved but becomes so much more complicated. What happened after Saturn left did it get easy or not?

    • Hi Iryna, It would probably be misleading to ever say it got easy. There are some of us who have life long Saturn and making friends with this energy is really helpful. It can also support you in having more magical experiences.

      Saturn is about creating new forms for our life and when we understand that it may not be “easy” but it is rewarding. So maybe in that sense it is easier? However Saturn comes back around and we get more opportunities to reformat our lives with the intent that they work better for us.

      I usually see this as finding ways to do less and be more, since over doing is one of my challenges. That means when used wisely I can connect with Saturn in ways that help me to be much more effective and efficient in what I do.

      Saturn fears are usually connected to our value and worth so a good practice is to appreciate yourself and how far you have come, even if you don’t feel it is far enough! The truth is it is probably a lot further than you think! 🙂

      You might find this article helpful in getting to deeper self love. https://cayelincastell.com/reclaiming-the-divine-sovereign-queen-venus-in-leo-journey/

  10. Shift happens when we dig deep. Thanks for sharing that beautiful story of the dance with your father. Loved the orb photo, just shows that we are never alone.
    Blessings, joann

    • Thank you so much JoAnn for the supportive feedback. I have definitely used the fabulously magical and extremely helpful tool of Radical Forgiveness in my process around all this as well, though I didn’t mention it directly when I was writing this article back in 2012. 🙂

    • Hi there did you notice that the orb photo is in a hexacoganal shape ? Check out the Cassini photos of the hexagon on saturns pole ? That can’t be a coincidence


      • Love your observation about that Collette! I have seen the Cassini photos and I hadn’t put that together with this so thank you! 🙂

  11. Cayelin, you are a gift that keeps on giving! Thank you for your most helpful clues toward further resolving/working w/ Saturn.

    When transiting Saturn was in Scorpio it was conjunct my 12th house ASC and Chiron. It natally squared Pluto/Saturn conjunct, who together oppose my natal Moon….I could go on and on. The point is, Saturn rarely takes a break in my life but when it facilitates a personal break-through, I’m light as a feather, have great clarity and presence of mind-body-spirit. Ultimately, we’re a great team but lets say; we also have issues.

    I’ve done a lot of father/masculine/feminine soul work and my father’s recent death created a void that increased the volume around developing a healthier inner-father and the need to learn how to father myself with love, tenderness, acceptance and discernment. Like others, my father was a super responsible provider who didn’t seem to love or enjoy his own children. His early fears around growing up during the depression reinforced the fears already inherent in early childhood. Later-on my sisters and I were the primary targets of his fear-based projections.

    In a book called “Care of The Soul” Thomas Moore writes that when men marry and have children they search, consciously or unconsciously, for Fatherhood. I’ve sat with this profound insight many times, even wept over the thought that my father appeared unable to settle into the loving/joyful aspect of fatherhood and how deeply that affected our entire family. He seemed “stuck” in provider mode, and perhaps being poor as a child distorted his value of money, and what money does and does not “provide”.

    In Alice Miller’s book “The Drama of The Gifted Chid” she refers to “stepping into our fate”, which she defines as; a father is imprinted by his parents’ wounding, their introjected/projected upbringing becomes his parental imprinting, which he then introjects/projects onto his children; Miller ruminates; how could it have turned out any differently?

    So stepping into our fate gives us the opportunity to accept the enormous personal power and ownership of our individual lives when we are able to stop “wanting things to be different and accepting things just as they are”. Her words washed over me as a tidal-wave of realization. Blowing the doors off of my self limiting ideas.

    I embraced the practice of rewriting my story using a lens and framework of my choosing. I began to catch myself in the act of self-criticism, doubt and impatience and starting treating myself with love and kindness. These changes also meant my father was dying again and again as I replaced his voice w/ mine. It has reshaped my grief work around his death as my compassion grows he becomes more human, more forgivable and more deserving of my compassion too.

    I am grateful for some of what my father did for me and the many positive values he taught me that remain, by my choice, to this day. I am most grateful for everything else that thrives under my compassionate watchful eye and loving heart. Namaste

    • Wow Sharon. Thank you for this powerful sharing and putting into words and images the journey so many of us face around our fathers, including once they have passed. 🙂

  12. Thank you for sharing your insights, they are a big help for understanding Saturn. More often than not, I have had to tell myself to play with the cards I have been dealt and learn the lessons. Yikes, easier said than done. Love the Timings!

    • Thank you Julie! Playing the cards we have been dealt is definitely often easier said than done. Though also worth the results when we can do it and of course Saturn also loooooves resuts! 🙂

  13. Wow, what a journey, Cayelin! I should not complain then about my Saturn opposing Mars, combined with Cancer Moon with Scorpio job, Venus in Capricorn, etc. etc. The answer is to work on self-love, the sacred marriage. A good assignment for my Sagittarius rising (and Mars in Sag, too).

    • Well said Tatiana! All Saturn work is really an inside job and most especially when it affects a woman’s Mars or a man’s Venus as the sacred marriage work is pretty much required when connecting with Saturn as an ally. 🙂

  14. Wow!!!! U nailed it on the head. I find Saturn to be fascinating it’s almost like u seriously need to do the opposite of what your heart pulls you into and detach and and what you said about the Saturn cycle I was yup! Yup! Yup! And yup!

    When you are so in it again where something deep in me goes you know better Stacie. But my energy was engaging it over and over and the more I tried to fix it, make it “right” see it for what it was I still stayed in it because the pain I was feeling took me all the way back to the deep pain of never getting my fathers attention or emotional support..

    So I have done a lot of personal work to see my patterns around this and make healthy choices in relationship. whatever this last two year cycle of Saturn in Scorpio, I barely came out of it feeling like I scraped the bottom of the barrel. Coming out of it I feel so much love for myself almost as if I survived something I just feel grateful and appreciative of what I have.

    I knew at some point towards the beginning to walk away.. But my heart was the one who wouldn’t fully let go because somewhere I was still caught up w the pattern of trying to get the love and attention when this person became unavailable. So what I am truley grateful is I made it through I don’t ever wish to put myself through that ever again it doesn’t matter how much I love or think I love someone. Separate from that deep pain of not feeling loved or worthy of someones (my fathers) full attention.

    I am done fighting, getting angry, defending myself and accepting and not trying to heal or fix these men that don’t want care or want to heal themselves and choose alcohol to not feel or stay present to themselves. This experience has been very humbling and makes me want to keep my head down for a bit and not get caught up. Energetically the door has closed, I feel like I am in a pause.

    I get a little ready and I give myself a big hug. I mean if I really look at it it was my little girl still wanting the love she did not receive or need. But the beauty is when I feel into my father I know he loved me he just had a different way of showing it. He was a provider and when I look at why my dad wasn’t available it was because he was providing for two families trying to save his third marriage. The love was there in its own way. In the way he could show it. But as a child I needed more. I continue to forgive and most importantly forgive myself and not judging myself and this lengthy process 🙂 thank u so much for writing this and sharing this!


    • Yay Stacie, my Saturn is so happy to get this feedback. 🙂 You are so welcome and thank you so much for sharing your Saturn Journey. We are so not alone in this and it helps to know that…at least it helps me.

  15. I am remjinded that many years ago before I became an astrologer, I went to a Psychic to get some understanding of why my life seemed to be in the toilet She did a quick chart (this was before computer programs) and said Saturn was on my Sun hence the feelings that my life was not only going nowhere but was in the porciline fixture with the hand of

  16. Hello,
    Wow, thank you for sharing your story. You and it are an inspiration. I’m slowly learning over the years how to dance with Saturn. I’m a scorpio sun, cancer moon and Leo rising with Saturn retrograde in my 8th house in pisces. I feel I just got deep insight reading all that you and some of the other folks posted here. Saturn is about really really growing up. I’m 47 and I tried to move to the deep woods to get away from everyone and everything and it didn’t happen and the past 3 years have been even harder than the 25 before lol. But I think I’m getting it.
    Namaste, Kim

  17. wonderful article & very helpful Cayelin ! i shared it with some dear friends ! :)thank you, love, Wendy

  18. Well I truly believe after reading this I am a child of saturn. Although I am a very forgiving person by nature I have lived with saturn a lot of my life. I really would love to get rid of it but do not know how.

  19. Wowsa and eek. Cayelin would love to know how a Venus transit interacts with Saturn influence. Yesh, i have ‘felt’ as though Saturn’s been bullying me all my life. I am not a victim either.

  20. hi c
    ofcourse every thing is fair on the soul level, which it chose for its own growth ,so truely, there is no thing to forgive ,as we are one with the soul and agreed to this preincarnation

  21. psychologically a rejecting parent, is because they dont feel adequate to support an other, and need all the support themselves, poor me, im so fragile, dependent, need everyone to serve, help me – so they alienate the child, saying there is something wrong with that child, instead of facing up to their shadow and not projecting it. There is also jealously, resentment, and needing to be admired as the autority figure, but seeing that the offspring, is a stronger and a better type of person and that they have succeeded in becoming a fully rounded 360 being, in understanding, instead giving that impression, but in truth, just basking in the 180 half light of pretense. Cant admitt that saturn failure, so they lash out at who is neerest to hand. i call them ,”walking abortions”, not come to full term. its an interesting study. L and L

    • Thank you Anna. I have done a lot of personal work to get to a similar understanding and I know that my father had parents who passed on a similar legacy. His mother died when he was 10 and his father sent him away to live with relatives because he couldn’t deal with raising his son. So in that sense my father was dealing with his own deep unresolved Saturn wounds when I came along. So for me, my father was the perfect embodiment of a harsh judgmental Saturn that has taught me a lot. And I am finally in a place where I am grateful rather than simply angry at how unfair it has been. And my intent is that my sharing of this will inspire others that there is hope for those of us who have similar Saturn wounding! And by healing the Saturn wounds – we can and do create a new relationship with Saturn…

  22. Cayelin,

    Thank you so much for writing on your Saturn journey. It helps so much to read how to look at the Saturn experience from a different perspective. I have just begun to learn through Shamanic Astrology, and while I wouldn’t say I am friends with Saturn yet, I have great respect for the teachings. (OK, yes, there are some swear words involved occasionally)


    • Thank you so much Maureen for letting me know this is helpful!
      And I appreciate that we share the swearing thing. I have come to realize lately that there is something to be said for healthy use of swearing as a tool for release and getting to acceptance. Of course there is the shadow side too that tends to make things worse.

      In that case, that would be Saturn (like a real and true friend willing to take the heat on our behalf) getting our attention to remind us that it really is up to us to take responsibility for our own experience. Thank you Saturn! Thank you Maureen!

  23. hi, i was impressed w/ your take on saturn. i am an astrologer age 60, have been sudying since i was 7. mom was an astrologer/palmist. i have sun conj. saturn at 6*libra. i had the same experience w/ my father.
    i also had polio and was paralyzed. . the whole fair-unfair story was what drew me into astrology.
    i have been constant in my astro pratice for 50 plus yrs… charting saturn in every which way.
    my daughter is born w/ saturn conu sun at 9* libra.
    my mom died on my saturn return age 28.
    she died when her saturn turned direct
    on my 2nd saturn return… i threw out old negative aquaintences and grew stronger in my grandmother-hood.
    i am enjoying the 3rd round of saturn. i feel healthy. my body is still good and strong and my ability to have fun is ever increasing.
    i am happy w/ saturn.
    i am the boss of me.
    iam 5 foot tall and 100 ibs but i can stand down a moose.
    i accomplished single mothering w/ ease.
    i’ll probably work till i drop,,,but it will be in the garden where i want to be. in charge of plants. thats it . thanks caren

    • Wow Caren you have definitely had the Saturn journey and thank you for sharing your story of making friends with Saturn!!!

  24. Cayelin, Love the Saturn insights! Thanks for sharing it helps so much to know that sometimes that is just the way things are. Hugs and gratitude, A big Saturn goddess also, Lisa

    • Thank you Lisa…another one of my Saturn Sisters. Big hugs and gratitude for you and all the ways you dance with Saturn so elegantly…

  25. Thank you for reminding me that outer planets are not here to doom us, but to actually assist us in the life process. (myself having heavy Saturn too!) Looking forward to reading more of your insights and reflections 🙂

    • Thank you Lynne…I know we are both not only Saturn sisters but also in Saturn cycles right now…

  26. Wow! not just over your head look at the very large one to the left of you as we look at you from the front view, I really sense it is your Mother or a very powerful female presence, I really do not know that much about astrology just what I read from from your article’s, buta letter M or W, is very strong and had something to do with last Tuesday, not sure why I am to tell you that oh.! well enjoy YvonneMarie Barstow,CA.

    • Thank you Yvonne. Peter and I both felt the orbs were linked with an ancestral message and that my Mom was very present that day. I have several other pictures from that same hike (on my birthday) with these stunning orbs all around me that I posted on my Facebook page. Curious what you mean about the letter M or W?

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